Called it
Five years and change passed between those tweets pictured above.. Getting a diagnosis isn’t as easy as one would think, or wish for, but I suppose that’s mental health in a nutshell; there’s no rushing anything. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(There’s also no rushing a “really neat and not at all stupid blog”, so hello again, some two and a half years later!)
I’ve felt like absolute crap for various reasons over the last few years. (Actually for a lot longer, but let’s limit the time to start from when I finally got to talk to someone about needing help; we’re looking at some four, five years, give or take). This time around I’ll focus on the ADD part. In the future I’ll try and get through the other things, if time permits.
Now then, I mentioned a doctor’s appointment in October of 2017. Initially, to our horror, her opinion was that I showed “no, or very few signs of ADD” and was reluctant to proceed with anything. Thanks to a sweet and helpful nurse nudging the doctor in the right direction she budged, and after another few meetings (or how many) I got to test Strattera. Hello drugs. Hope restored.
Strattera is, as far as I understood it, one of very few drugs they’ll give you without a diagnosis. It worked, somewhat; it helped “kickstart” me a bit, I got a little more things done, around the house and what not. The downside was that I felt pretty nauseous for hours after taking them; one of the many possible side effects. I stuck with it though, and after a few times of raising the dosage to appropriate levels things started to look brighter. For a while.
After a few months, or a year – I don’t remember – I started to feel, along with the “extra energy and motivation”, a lot more depressed than usual; my mood was really dark at times and Marie and I would get into heated argument after heated argument. Things got really bad.
Eventually it got so bad that I decided to stop the pills. I got in contact with the nurse and she said that was fine, but to contact them again if I wanted to start up again, because I’d be starting on a lower dosage again. After a month or so I figured I was ready to try again and called her up, but she asked me to hold off on the drugs for a bit if possible, because I had a meeting coming up relatively soon and they wanted me to be on “my normal levels” of stupid struggling with myself.
Turns out I was meeting with a psychologist. Eep!
There were three sessions over the course of two weeks in the autumn of 2019 and by mid September I finally FINALLY got the diagnosis; “ADD and GAD”. Felt just great, finally having a proper explanation of what my problems are, even though we’ve suspected as much for some years.
GAD, though? I don’t think I’ve ever really reflected on anxiety being a factor in my life, but here we are.
Along with the diagnosis came the opportunity to try other drugs and I am now on Elvanse and Aritavi, which is working soo much better for me. For starters I don’t feel any nausea when taking them (apart from maybe on the first day) but when time permits I can get a lot more work done around the house.
Marie and I still argue ever so often, but often it’s not as bad as before (on Strattera) and I – or we – actually have a really good day, now and then. There are still some rather shit days, of course, and I doubt they’ll ever fully go away, but we’re slowly working out methods that can make it a bit easier on us.
Well, that’s all for now.
See you around! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
