27 Aug

Not Star Wars episode IV, yet still a new hope

Aw man, if I hadn’t been distracted I could have posted this exactly two years after I made the first post here. Missed it by thiiiiiis much. Ah well. Here’s to another two incredibly exciting years of blogging. 😜👍

I’m no longer seeing the psychologist – who I wrongly labeled psychiatrist (fixed that) – and I havent for quite a while. I didn’t really like him. In his defence, I generally don’t like people.

I don’t remember the last thing we spoke about. Don’t know what was said. I don’t know if I said I wanted to quit going – or him asking me if I wanted to – or what, but I ended up never going back. Looking through my email conversations with the guy it appear as if I canceled an appointment and never rescheduled. I don’t really remember.

I guess it’s worth mentioning that I hate being scrutinized. I hate to “spill my beans”, about my life, about everything. I hate how boring I am, and how boring I must sound to people when I try to explain my boring life to them.

Anywho, a while later – with the help of Marie – I saw a occupational therapist that had me trying a bunch of things to get me going. (Remember, the reason I’m “in this mess” is because I have a hard time kicking things off. I have a million ideas, and maybe three is seen through to the end; the rest of them are lucky if I ever even start working on them.

There was an app I tried that only managed to piss me off. It really didn’t help at all. (It had me tap-tap-tap-ing three times more than what, like, using the regular calendar on my phone would’ve. It was idiotic).

Eventually she ran out of ideas and told me as much. There wasn’t much she could do to help me, and sent us on our merry way.

Well, crap.

<montage> Stuff happening that I’ve forgotten about </montage>

Some time later we decided to look into how – or if – I could get a proper diagnose, because things weren’t improving. Spoke with a nurse and filled out a form. They told us it might take a little while before we hear anything, because they’re short on doctors.

I believe this was in spring, March perhaps? It might even have been before Christmas. It was chilly, but no snow. I don’t remember. My memory is out the window. I think I blame technology.

Anyway, time passed. Felt like forever. I was starting to think they might have forgotten about me, or misplaced the form. But being me, I figured I’d wait for summer vacations to end before calling them to check. Don’t want to be too hasty, now..

Lucky me I didn’t have to wait much longer, because one day I got a letter.

Apparently they hadn’t forgotten. Turns out I have a doctor’s apointment in October. Obviously no idea what she’ll say, but I’m hoping they’ll go through with the diagnosing. It’d be a relief for both Marie and I.

Of course I understand that even if they decide to go ahead, a diagnose is not guaranteed. I know that. But it gives me new hope.

I’ll see you around!

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23 Aug

Get ready, player one!

This post has nothing to do with the book with the similar name. Probably. I haven’t read it, so maybe it does? For me, this is starting fresh. New blog. New game. First level.

World 1-1

Watch out for that first Goomba, heading your way, they’ll say. You gotta jump to avoid being hit. Yeah. It’s not an unknown journey, this “game of life”; I’ve been at it for a while. But my documenting it has been an uneven endevour; starting, ending and rebooting, time and time again, the many shapes of my [not so] many blogs. This last time it has taken me a good long while, though, to start it back up again after it ended.

Why is that, they’ll ask? What took you so long? We’ve missed you. The web has been such a lonely, lonely hole without your insightful and funny stories about your exciting life.

…Who are “they”? They sound like weirdos, calling the jibbery-bibbery (if that’s even a word?) that I wrote “insightful” and “funny”??..

Just get on with it already. Geez..

I’m in a different place than when I last wrote. Not physically, and perhaps not mentally; but intellectually. Scary stuff, learning things, isn’t it? Especially when the things you learn are about yourself.

See, I’ve always felt a bit different from friends and family, and people in general around me. Never really, really felt like I’m fitting in anywhere. Never really knew my true place in life. (So I just hid in mum’s basement).

After I met Marie, my life changed radically. Well, that’s a bit strong a word, ‘radically’. Honestly, a lot… like, A LOT, is the same as before.. But a lot has also changed, and a lot of that for the better. She has taught me a lot about myself.

Some of the things I’ve learned are scary, though. The reasons for feeling a little weird (and most likely fcking up my education and chance for a better job) seems to be [at least partially] due to ADHD. (Worth noting here is that this isn’t diagnosed proper, but the psychiatrist psychologist I’m seeing is suggesting more and more that this is a strong possibility).

That’s scary as hell. Scary, because it has taken so long — over thirty years — to figure out. Scary, because in hindsight, the signs were so obvious. Scary, because I’ve always viewed myself as “one of the good guys”, when in reality I’ve been (and often are, still) an asshole.

Now hang on, they’ll say. You can be an asshole without having ADHD. Come on, dude! Not cool!

I know. Settle down. I know.

I’ve decided to bring the blog back to life, to cover this journey towards enlightenment. I’ll cover a bunch of other stuff as well; gaming is still a huge part of my life; what it’s like to be married (with ADHD, not as fun!); the silly things our silly cats are up to; etc etc… You get it, same old same old, but with a little more insight into my life. By me, for me, as this is mainly a thing for myself.

You are welcome on the ride. Maybe somewhere along the way it’ll be an interesting read.

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ